The Truth About Forgiveness
How many times have you heard the word, Forgive? Maybe you’ve been reciting it too often to another, or perhaps it’s you hearing it back from others. Regardless of which way it’s coming, we’ve all caught the sound. Forgive me, forgive her, forgive him, forgive them. Just forgive.
Recently I understood something we don’t speak much. Something that’s not explained about forgiveness: it’s the demand or the silent rule that people throw on forgiveness which is an added load of expectation on the one who’s doing the forgiving. It’s the careless conclusion that your forgiveness is only genuine when you add acceptance to the guilty party – This is a lie I have discovered.
No one should determine absolute forgiveness by measuring how close you’ll take back those who have offended you. My forgiveness is forgiveness; I accept that you have wronged me, I have come up with a level of understanding of your doings, and I have said I don’t hate you or bear no evil for these mistakes. That’s forgiveness.
In this present day, if you forgive a friend and don’t take them back as a friend, then you didn’t completely forgive. If you forgive your partner but don’t take them back as a partner, then you didn’t genuinely forgive.
I, for one, have been accused lately of not genuinely forgiving because I wouldn’t place back the positions they once held in my life.
“Forgiveness shouldn’t be counted as a lie because it doesn’t favor the one who did wrong. In short words, I should be able to say, I forgive you, old friend, but we wouldn’t be new friends. I forgive you, lover, but we won’t continue love basking.”
Forgiveness is a gift to yourself; you forgive others because it’s easier on the mind, and if you practice faith, you also know it’s the right thing to do. So forgive the first to the last person who hurt you. Forgive them but in no way think you need to pressure yourself to take people back after forgiving them. Forgiveness should never count as a favor to the other person. Forgiveness is for you. Do it in ways that bring peace to you.
Your turn, what’s your truth about forgiveness?
Uloaku Aniagu
👏🏽👏🏽. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. I forgive people for my peace of mind and because I genuinely do not have it in me to hate . That does not mean my forgiveness is a ticket into my life.
p.chidera
Uloaku AniaguForgiveness is definitely for peace of mind. It shouldn’t always mean things remain as before.
Adekoya kehinde
This has been on my mind of recent I’m glad you shared your thoughts on it. I totally agree with you.
Thanks for sharing.
Truly, I believe forgiveness brings peace, so if denying the offender access to me would bring me peace, so be it. Still I have forgiven.
p.chidera
Adekoya kehindeForgiveness is for you and you know it’s true when it brings you peace 😊
Rita Bran
True talk forgiveness is for one’s peace. You may or may not accept the offender back. That is a choice
p.chidera
Rita BranYou’re absolutely correct!
Chijennyphar
I forgive others so that God will forgive my trespasses 🙏 but I never forget tho 😒
p.chidera
ChijennypharIt’s alright. We’re all humans. Forgiveness sure brings redemption 👌🏻
Jennifer Ogbonna
I forgive others so God can forgive my trespasses. I do not forget tho 😒
Shallystoned
I forgive for my own peace of mind, to let go off the pain and hate but that doesn’t mean I forget. Forgetting isn’t an easy thing to do no matter how you try to. I really don’t like forgetting just so I don’t end up getting treated the same way so I rather forgive and set boundaries.
It’s only God I know that can forgive and forget that’s why he’s perfect, I am not.
p.chidera
Shallystoned😅 The last line is beautiful. We can’t strive for perfection. We won’t ever be perfect
DopeBoyFlow
Forgiveness doesn’t equate forgetting, that’s correct, but if you keep living in the pain, if you keep letting it eat you up, and we’re saying it’s for YOUR peace of mind right, then did you actually forgive?
For me though, humans don’t forgive. I just think we practice a form of self defense. I’m learning, so I can say I have made considerable efforts to actually forgive those who have wronged me. I just don’t expect it from other people when the sides are switched. So I ask myself, are we forgiving or we are self defending?
Actually, love is all about forgiveness. That’s the long comment really. However you decide to love is how you would forgive. And in so many ways, people are incapable of love, they just don’t know it yet.
p.chidera
DopeBoyFlowI agree on some levels that some people live in pain afterwards and use the words ‘I forgive you just as people say ‘I love you and don’t understand the first meaning of the letter straying with L’.
Genuine* forgiveness brings complete peace, and if we agree on what peace honestly means, we’d know that it’s impossible to find pain in peace.
Some people are so aware of themselves and who they are that they know for sure when they grant forgiveness, while some people like you’ve pointed self soothe and lock in with the pain.
The last part got me thinking; it’s also true that most people preach the love they don’t even know. I should write about it soon.
Your perspective is very thought-provoking. Did you read the post ‘who are you?’ If no, you need to grace us with another thought-provoking angle.
I’ll be honoured.
PUTI
What would someone do to me that I’ll find difficult to forgive?
Try to kill me or my loved ones 🤷🏾♂️….
But then on more lighter scenario, it is most peaceful to FORGIVE and “FORGET” the erring person….
p.chidera
PUTIYes, it is. Peace of mind is so underrated
DOPEBOYFLOW
I was trying to reply to the earlier comment, but I could not, hence this.
I totally agree with your comment as well. Pain is inevitable especially when we “feel” (I say feel, because sometimes we’re just a product of our emotions and not facts) and are wronged by people, but what do we use this pain to do? Do we go about hurting others simply because we’ve been hurt? Then we haven’t truly practiced genuine forgiveness and probably, no peace for yourself. And then, we become the same thing that we’re against. A crazy cycle. Or we recognize this pain, and then actively resolve to making sure it doesn’t define us? That’s the level I would love to attain. A love cycle.
I read the post and honestly, I am still trying to figure that out. For a long time, I have let people and other factors determine who I am, so you could say I was LOST. I recently started believing in myself and my abilities, doing the things I have at some point wanted to do but never got the chance to, so I’m on a journey of self discovery. I want to know the extent of my superpowers, and be happy. So who am I? I don’t know… YET. I’ll come back to this in the nearest future, and it would be my pleasure (BARS!)
P.S. You should totally write it. Don’t overthink it, just do it (BARS!!)
p.chidera
DOPEBOYFLOW“A love cycle” I like how that goes, and the famous quote about ‘hurt people hurt people’ describes it. It’s crucial to completely heal even from the things no one apologises for so we don’t hurt others even consciously.
Knowing who I am didn’t come easy, a therapist had to help search within, and I’m finding other corners to the core I already know, so I understand the honest answer to that takes a lot of time and soul searching, but we’ll all get there. Baby steps, we say.
The love cycle would be something I’d enjoy writing about. I won’t overthink it 😂 I’ll get the creative juices running
Thank you for dropping BARS on the first of May! 😀
p.chidera
DOPEBOYFLOWThe reply button underneath the contributor’s comment helps you respond inline to theirs. If you try sometime and it still doesn’t work, please let me know. It might be something we should fix
Chisom
I have been hurt so many times, but I had to learn to constantly forgive because it’s actually therapeutic and forgiveness doesn’t mean we should/would be cool again, it’s just me saying ‘ I’ve decided to put this behind, I won’t hate but we won’t rebuild bridges anymore’
p.chidera
ChisomThe last line is everything. The decision to also remove hate is so important. Thank you Chisom ❤️
Daniel
Another insightful post! Thank you Precious for this. To me, forgiveness is moving past what someone did and never holding that failure against the person. Forgiveness doesn’t destroy memories, remove consequences for one’s action or rebuild trust but it is important for the person doing the forgiving that they are able to move past the wrong the opposing person did to them in order to heal and move forward in life.
p.chidera
DanielThank you, Daniel! Forgiveness doesn’t destroy memories, and the goal is to heal and move forward. Forgiveness is rewarding to those who genuinely practice it.
Peter
Forgiveness….
Truth is, forgiveness is hard, especially if the offender hurt you really deeply. I always say that the concept of “forgive and forget” is a myth. Some hurt you never forget and rightly so, because if you did, then the lesson would be forgotten too.
That said, is it really impossible not to get back to how things were before the hurt? Well, it depends on the degree to which we’ve been hurt, some things are simply impossible to forgive, let alone look past.
But generally speaking, time is a healer. You have no idea how much healing power time has. If the person that hurt you genuinely shows remorse for his actions, try to forgive. It’s by no means automatic. Don’t rush it. Allow time to weave its magic. It may take a while but if the offender is patient, understanding, humble and putting in a lot of effort… In no time your reinforced concrete wall will come crashing down. Just give it time.😊
p.chidera
The truth is Forgiveness is for us and not the offender and I like that the keyword here is ‘Give it Time’
Time really does all the magic. It’s the gift that keeps giving 😊
Thank you Peter! I’ve learned something today 😀
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