Who decides what hurts

Who decides what hurts? It’s a Thursday, and on this particular one, I’m still in bed by 7.00 am, still wrapped under my duvet except my fingers trying to make double clicks as I ponder over this feeling I have. It’s another day I’ve broken my routine, just laying here with mixed feelings. It’s been three months of what seemed like the most extended writer’s block, and even as my mind thinks it’s easing out, I’m not sure of the words that’ll follow. Please bear with me.

“Congratulations,” that has been the word I’ve read the most lately. Let’s thank the views on my debut video on YouTube. Thank you again. Thank you so much. There would surely be more. Let me go back to my train of thought; now, who decides what hurts?

This is how it plays in my head; I’ll do my best to offer clarity. I’ll be me, and you all will be you. It makes the narrative easier; yea, it does. If I say, your words broke me, and the things you said hurt me silly much. If I cried, shook, and trembled over something you think was insignificant, then does that invalidate my feeling or reaction? Does that somehow mean that you’re correct and I’m required to grow tougher skin or accept your perspective, act up and bounce off all that ridiculous show of weakness cause they might not make sense? Think deeply about this one.

Often, we have different perspectives from others, and we have a different understanding of how we expect these things and actions to play out. So if I say sorry and you’re still hurting, then maybe you need a psychologist for therapy cause your blood might be yellow; I mean, why else would be the reason why you can’t shake off after an apology. Typical! Typical humans!

Again, who decides what hurts? Is it you, the one who was told that you offended, or is it me, the one who feels offended? Who decides what hurts? Do both parties get to take equal responsibility, or are we all needing therapy these days? Are you in the right to get mad because you can’t understand how your honest apology wouldn’t do the trick, and now you’re faced with some yellow-hearted person still bleeding at your feet? Are you in the right to get resentful if your acceptance of the apology still hasn’t mended the crack in the painted ceiling? Hmmm, starting to make sense yet? I hope so.

You see, I’m not sure what answer would be correct. I’m not sure what is more objective in this situation, but I’ve faced both, and each successful amendment teaches me something new. I would say who is hurt is hurt, and that’s a fact. I still don’t know if anyone gets to decide what hurts, but I know that understanding the situation makes it a lot easier. Understanding and comprehensive makes it easier. 

It’s undoubtedly annoying to realize that your apology hasn’t done much; frustrating is the right word, but don’t invalidate the extent or hurt the other bears with extra effort. Could you maybe try to have an honest see-through conversation like my love says and communicate how frustrating it is and how you’re unsure what to do next? It gets better from there, especially when you avoid missing the point.

Indeed, some people won’t agree with me. Some people have a different view on who decides what hurts. I learn every day, and I’m still learning.
I know understanding is vital. Don’t invalidate it because you can’t understand it. We’re entitled to love and hurt differently, and that’s the take-home point.

Who decides what hurts?