This Thing Called Jealousy

This thing that’s called jealousy; this thing that’s called jealousy that attacks the mighty. This thing that’s capable of killing every ounce of common sense and reasoning, and oh, let’s throw in rational thinking. This thing called jelousy had broken too many, still not enough and still counting.

Today, I’m doing vulnerability; I’ll let my pen seep through this paper or perhaps your screen as you’re reading this. I’m letting you in the first hand of the too many nearly perfect stories that this thing called jealousy has damaged without hope of repair. Keep your eyes steady on each line. I’m permitting a tiny peek into my soul, my beautiful, imperfect soul.

Here we go, as I always do, deep questions first. Are you like me? Are you like me who has those moments where it could feel like the blood in their streams gets stuck somewhere, anywhere, and suddenly there’s an almost hard lump in your chest, there are tears that won’t make it to the surface, but you feel it, there’s a slight pain in your head and words that you struggle to say else they’d consume you. Pause here for a while and try to imagine what you just read, take each instance as I wrote them. There are chances that you’d conclude that it’s just madness, chaos, Just madness. Well, ladies and gentlemen, this thing called jealousy, this moment when it happens can be described as this, as madness.

When I wrote about who you are and the path to all the learning and discovery one can make, trust me, I knew what I was talking about. I understand that this thing called jealousy had my hands tied to the back, fighting shadows that I couldn’t walk with and losing each time.

Oh, I have sinister tales from how I had handled situations where I could have been wiser and better. Like when I burnt pages from memories I cherished, walked almost 5 miles bare feet, and was too stubborn to realize I was injured because I was hurting differently. But yeah, the last line is exaggerated. Nah, who does that? I mean, what were the odds that I’d be reasonable and calm? How could jealousy even let me think of anything other than the reasons fueling the triggers that minute?

“This thing called jealousy can tear you apart, hinder you from every way you could think or picture a better scenario. I’m no expert on how to handle it when it hits. Gosh, it still strikes me, and I fall short sometimes, but I’m aware, and I stay aware. This thing called jealousy would consume you if you don’t nip it, so for later, when your dark imaginations start soaring, and the freedom of others starts to bother you, please breathe in, out, and in again. Ask yourself if you’re worrying over the things you can control, like who stays and who goes. The answer is No. You can’t control that.”

Do the little things I’d suggest, sit for a second. Ask yourself, what can I control? Can I control other people’s actions? No. Can I control how they understand my reasons? No. Can I control how I react? Yes. Can I control what I do next? Yes. Now go on and worry about only the things you can control.

This thing called jealousy is some deadly poison that some have drunk full but not me, not you, not us. We would act better, be better, do better. We know who we are.

Your turn, how do you handle jealousy, the sane kind, the lover’s seasonal crises?

This thing called jealousy.