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mental health

You’re Not Ready

You’re not ready. I remember when I thought I was the only one who understood how to love. How I’d preach that I knew first-hand what it meant to treat someone differently, and I could tell you all the ways I was a better person and a better partner, and if you ever lose me, then you’re damned for life. Was I right? We’ll find out.

There were the other times when I was too sure I wasn’t the one at fault in relationships, and I was somehow too convinced that they didn’t know, won’t say, and can’t know how to be selfless in this thing we embrace as an intimate relationship. Was I right about this one? We’ll find out too.

It took me too long, maybe a while longer, to see and honestly admit that the ways I thought things should be, should go wasn’t exactly how it should go. I took a while to realize the painful truth that I wasn’t ready. Oh, how can I be when all the ideas about bonding with another person are deeply coated with the selfish need to change them, almost suffocating with just how comfortable I was in the wrong room. I tell you that I’m not the only one. There’s plenty of me out there, and we all think we’re ready.


“You’re not ready. You’re not ready if you cannot look yourself in the mirror and understand who you are. You’re not ready if you cannot show yourself all the love you hope another person would. You’re not ready if, somewhere deep down, you desire them so you can change, turn and isolate them from the world. You’re not ready if you lie in their faces and soothe yourself with the conviction that your lies protect.”


You’re not ready if you search for ways to indirectly hurt them or dampen their moods because your ego is somehow stroked when you can provoke a certain kind of reaction from them. You’re not ready when the mind games play over the love songs when you spend longer thinking of ways to torture them. You’re not ready if you don’t understand what love is. You’re not ready if you place some unrealistic expectation on another person and can’t understand why they can’t fulfill the needs you can’t ask of yourself.

I remember when I finally got it when I could finally answer difficult questions about my actions. How I now realized that I wasn’t perfect, wouldn’t ever be, but I finally accepted responsibilities for all the ways I should have acted differently. I owned my shortcomings, accepted my evil, and didn’t blame them on anyone and anything except my choices.

Now, I ask myself three questions before deciding to do something?

  1. Do I want this?
  2. What would I do if I have it?
  3. Would it make any difference if I don’t have it?

Apply this principle to everything, anything, and even anyone. With calm and scary honesty, answer the question, and then you’d know. If you can make it to number 3 without very conflicting answers for 1 and 2, then you might be ready for whatever you’re desiring or wanting in the next phase.

You’re not Ready.

 

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  • Adekoya kehinde
    August 19, 2021

    Really 3 important questions to ask.🤗
    In addition, you’re not ready if you cannot let go🙂

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Adekoya kehinde
      August 23, 2021

      Thank you! 👌🏾
      You’re not ready if you cannot let go and let yourself heal completely! 💯

      Reply
  • Peter Ifeanyi
    August 19, 2021

    Hmmm…I almost felt attacked when I saw some of the things I’m guilty of… 🤭
    I guess I’m not as ready as I thought I was…
    But I’m learning and want to learn more. One of the things I’ve learnt is rhat
    When it comes to business of the heart, we rarely have any idea what we’re doing, we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and act like idiots once a while….
    But waiting till you’re ready can be tricky though, cos you may just be judging yourself too harshly…. After all, we’re all clueless… The heart wants what it wants 🤷

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Peter Ifeanyi
      August 23, 2021

      Emphasis on the ‘act like an idiot sometimes’ 😄 we do.
      The heart wants what it wants, true, but there’s a famous proverb from the Bible, it says to guard the heart diligently, from there springs all the troubles of life. I never forget this one.

      We might never know when the right time is, but we know when we are mentally and emotionally okay, we feel it. Getting to this state is enough proof that you’re ready. 😉

      Reply
  • Ruth
    August 19, 2021

    I will always ask myself this questions before making any decision. Thanks for this piece loveeee 🥰🥰

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Ruth
      August 23, 2021

      Ruthie❤❤ thank you! 😘

      Reply
  • Bryce
    August 24, 2021

    How much (if any at all) am I willing to sacrifice for it?

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Bryce
      August 25, 2021

      This question should definitely be added to the list 🙂

      Reply
  • Shallystoned
    September 17, 2021

    Honestly, it feels like you’re talking to me. I’m not even sure I’m as ready as I thought I was.
    I need to start asking myself this questions before doing anything. Thank you for sharing this knowledge❤

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Shallystoned
      September 17, 2021

      It’s okay to be uncertain about some things. Every day we continue to be better than we were the day before 😊

      Reply
  • Triggers - Precious Chidera
    September 30, 2021

    […] “But you see, there’s isn’t ever going to be a savior outside of yourself. Hoping another person would sew up wounds they can’t see isn’t the solution. Trust me, I do have triggers. Enough to tell you how important it is to stop in your tracks when it gets difficult to breathe and just say a silent prayer. A silent prayer when you’re in this emotional pit. the emotional pit that could reveal to you the bitter truth, you’re not ready“ […]

    Reply
  • Rita Bran
    April 21, 2022

    Waaao, what a wonderful piece. Thank you and keep enlightening us till we are ready.

    Reply
    • p.chidera.admin
      Rita Bran
      April 21, 2022

      😀Thank you!

      Reply

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