“I know you love me, but I don’t love you like that, but can you stay friends with me. In other words, can I torture you as your heart breaks for all the ways I’m going to ignore its call for me? It’s my selfish desire.”
Well, that’s some of the ways our selfish desires scream the loudest, and it isn’t that we could be mean people or just opportunists or the narcissists’ everyone on Quora describes. No, it’s that as humans, we are indeed custodians of our interests. We want to eat our Apple Crumble Bread and have it at all costs – the cost that wounds the other person that’s not us.
If we asked the guilty to stand up, I could be standing tallest in the room even as I battle with the thought that I’m a good person, a very good person. So the selfish desires aren’t always intentional, but even when we catch ourselves in the act, the good feeling is too seductive to look the other way. Hence, we want to reject another human but hold them differently, so I’m saying, I don’t want you, but I’ll keep you.
Twisted, very twisted, but it’s the human mind. In my life, I’ll be too honest and tell you that there are situations I knew were dead ends, there were relationships I knew for a fact couldn’t work out, but I feared too much that I’d hurt the other person by being sincere. Other times I didn’t want the perks of the great friendship to end for me. I felt so bad that they’d eventually count me in their rejection tales, and that’s not a good story. Rejection would cripple you for a few seconds before you find your feet. I’ve been there.
Well, what are we supposed to do? What is the expectation? It’s not your fault that your heart isn’t there. You did no wrong if they went ahead and caught 2 million feelings while you were taking a stroll. They did it to themselves, and you never said you were looking for love, at least not from them—tough luck. The truth is, sometimes you are not to blame for how these things play out, and other times you’re so guilty your white garment is soaked in all shades of red.
You know that you don’t want them in your heart, but you string all the strings that would let you play. You flash them all the green lights even when the dead-end is at the left street. You laugh the loudest and hold hands like you didn’t know there were meanings to this and when you see the result of your work firsthand, when you see their heart right at your feet, you say you didn’t know how it could journey there.
Some of us are naturally nice, always smiling and speaking kindness because we understand empathy, compassion, and the Pain no one talks about, but that’s not an excuse. No, it shouldn’t be. Don’t let selfish desires win. The truth could burn this minute, but it sets everyone free for the longest time. So whatever your true intentions or feelings are, be bold and honest to speak it and let them decide to stay regardless or walk. Let everyone handle their rejection the way that makes it bearable – if at all it does. There’s no maturity or childish method to this kind.
Today, right now, if you don’t love him if you don’t see a future with her. Please have the painful conversation and let them know. Selfish desires are bound to come but do we need to give in to them always? No. There are too many people whose heartbreak should have lasted 90 days, but you’ve taken them through a trip that’s lasting three years.
“I know you love me, and I wish that I could feel the same, but I don’t, and it’s painful that it might be hard for you to want to stay friends with me, and I understand. In other words, I won’t lie to you about something I don’t feel. That’s how the conversation should start.”
Copy, paste, edit it, or whatever you choose but have that discussion.