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mental health

The Pain We Don’t Talk About

Oh, this one is too personal. It’s been a week of too many emotions. I must tell you there is a pain that no one talks about. We master how to bear the sting as we smile the widest to the person or people right in front of us. There’s indeed a pain that no one talks about, and it is no respecter of the successful, almost successful, or about to be successful. It lurks and stays cuddling the best of us.

We wake up in the morning; it would seem like it’s supposed to be a good day, but as our eyes witness the first daylight, they’re some reminders of that little or big worry that the sleep from last night didn’t cure. You still find a way to drag your feet and keep moving because that’s the expectation of adults; to keep moving. When you brush shoulders or hear the good mornings from your coworkers, classmates, or partner, you smile so innocently; after all, it’s the perfect disguise for all the ways our hearts might be breaking.

“So what could be the problem? Aren’t we grateful for life? Aren’t we happy that we have eyes that can catch hope for something amusing today? Are we ingrates with a heart that never fills, just needing, wanting, hoping, and drowning when our expectations are not met. What’s the pain that we don’t talk about?”

I’ll tell you mine; I’ll say it with the right amount of vulnerability I can muster right now. It’s the expectation that I’ve somehow placed on myself, the almost empty feeling that sneaks up when I’ve jumped the last rope. It’s a pain that, in some cases, others have caused by words they said or didn’t say, by their actions, or the terrible ways they just misunderstood me or my intentions. It’s the memory of the last love journey that didn’t have a happy ending, and oh well, it could as well be the many blocks my heart can’t cross. It could be anything; for me, sometimes, it’s everything, everything I won’t talk about. Everything my small heart would hold steady and carry on as I laugh and receive the next congratulations for my first book.

“The pain we don’t talk about would most likely mean something different for you. Maybe it’s the friend you lost cause you’re good and they’re wrong or the job and business that isn’t going as you’ve planned.”

Perhaps it’s the memories from an ex that time isn’t killing faster or the kids you worry about, and it could be the guilt over anything or even health-related. Maybe it’s the girl you like that got away or the partner that has lost their last straw of compassion. Perhaps it’s the boy or girl whose name starts with an A; they seem to be guilty of most *laugh with me here* Either way, there’s a pain we sometimes live with, locked tightly in our minds and hearts; a cross we only bear with the hope that it’ll get better someday.

Today, I don’t have a remedy, but whatever you do, please be kind, please be kind to yourself, please be kind to the next person. Please carry on an extra strength to understand that we’re all dealing with something that the best motivational speech might not cure. So if you ask the person next to you how they’re doing and their response is, “I’m fine,” take that as a good answer but also know that beneath their eyes, it could have been a long teary episode hours before, so talk to them with that empathy, be gentle in your words and kind in your actions. We’ll go 22 pages if I decide to break down all the ways pain snatches the joy on the inside, but I’m making reading easy today.

All of us are dealing with something; we all have a pain that we’re not sharing. As strong as we look on the outside, perhaps it’s several pieces patched up inside.

Just be kind. Please treat others just how you want others to treat you; this rule is the answer to a lot, and this is my message today. Be kind. Please, be kind.

TAGS:kindnesslifemental healthpainprecious chidera
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  • Peter
    June 17, 2021

    The pains we don’t talk about are often the worst. People say that “problem shared is problem solved”.
    Being an uncertified cynic, that statement often get a 360 eye roll from me. 🙄
    Sounds like what they say just to get you to divulge your deep dark secret… Nah, ain’t falling for that. 😌
    Seriously Presh, I’ve known pain. The kind that makes your chest feel like it was too small to contain all the hurt you feel. The kind that leaves you feeling alone in a crowded room. You can’t talk about it because the best you’ll get is “don’t worry, you’ll be fine”.

    But then, I don’t stay down for long. As soon as my pity party is ended, I dust off my bum and get back into the ring.

    We’ve all gone thru one pain or the other. I hate to break it to you, but we’re likely gonna go through more pain. But we can take it, else God wouldn’t allow it. So, let’s kwchiri and never give up and please, be kind. 😊 .
    Thanks Presh, keep preaching the gospel of kindness. The world desperately needs that right now.

    Reply
  • p.chidera
    June 17, 2021

    “Problem shared isn’t always solved”… Sometimes, the other person isn’t seeking the information from the point of care or concern. Just deep-rooted selfishness and human envy, but no man is an island, so we try again and hope our problems fall on good ears.

    “don’t worry, you’ll be fine” is another line that makes my strength shrink just a little, but I’m guilty of saying that to others in my ‘save the day moments.’ These days I search for better lines, and I haven’t found them yet 🤭

    We do react to pain differently. I wish everyone bounced back so quickly, but we’ll all get there.

    We all should take your advice and *dust off my bum and get back to the ring* but some of us are just about to serve drinks to our pity party; we might be here hosting a while longer 😃 , but I’m sure we’ll be back in the ring soon.
    Save a good corner for us! 😀

    Thank you, Peter🤗

    Reply
    • Peter
      p.chidera
      June 17, 2021

      Hahahaha. Well, a little hospitality doesn’t hurt. But serve the drinks quickly and get into the ring. I’ll be there too 😊

      Reply
  • Daniel
    June 19, 2021

    Thanks for sharing Precious. Being kind to others is an everyday journey of intentionality. Although it is not an easy one, understanding that there is a pain each and everyone of us don’t talk about, makes it easier to love and show kindness to others even in your worst of days.

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Daniel
      June 21, 2021

      Thank you, Daniel! 😊 We really must realise that everyone is fighting a battle in their minds.

      Reply
  • Uloaku Aniagu
    June 23, 2021

    Everyone has been through something that causes them pains they don’t talk about. Being kind is very much true. Smile at yourself and at others. You never know whose day you made by being kind.

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Uloaku Aniagu
      June 24, 2021

      Yes, we never know what others face in their lives. We need to be Kind 🥰

      Reply
  • Shallystoned
    June 24, 2021

    Spending almost 6years of my life at home doing nothing while my mates are already getting degrees and making cool cash is one pain I don’t talk about. Yeah, everyone has their time but why does mine have to be that late?.
    Giving so much to the people I love and getting little or none from them and it makes me feel like I don’t deserve love at all is one pain I don’t talk about.
    Setting up different businesses and not seeing progress even when I work so hard to make it grow is another pain I don’t talk about.
    I’m learning to accept some things and believing that God has a greater plan for me and I know it won’t pass me by.
    Thank you for helping me pour out little out of the pains i feel that i never talk about.❤

    Reply
    • p.chidera
      Shallystoned
      June 28, 2021

      Oh dear, I have stories and moments I have felt like a failure to myself. I have had seasons when I couldn’t win the bitter battle in my mind. I have cried and gotten broken-hearted while my mates excelled so much at things I was failing terribly at. I have known pain, and I perfectly understand how one can feel in those moments. I can relate. I still have those moments, but I never dwell there.

      One thing I know for sure is that when you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere down anymore, you have to rise through the tears, you need to remain consistent even when no one is applauding. It would help if you won the silent battle in your mind, the one that says you’re not enough and you won’t make it. We’ll all get our accolades someday but don’t give up. Cry if you must, but don’t ever give up.
      God does have a more excellent plan for you. You’re alive, and that’s enough proof that hope is still valid.

      Sending you warm hugs today and for every time you feel low. ♥
      You’re stronger than you think. You’re loved, and you’re terrific.

      Reply
  • Selfish Desires - Precious Chidera
    July 1, 2021

    […] naturally nice, always smiling and speaking kindness because we understand empathy, compassion, and the Pain no one talks about, but that’s not an excuse. No, it shouldn’t be. Don’t let selfish desires win. The truth […]

    Reply
  • My Life's Perfect?! - Precious Chidera
    July 22, 2021

    […] in need of saving or love or some deep yearning we can’t even whisper alone in the dark, some pain we don’t talk about. After worrying over these things, pray, smile, cry, sleep and when you wake up, force a smile in […]

    Reply
  • The Cross of the strong independent woman - Precious Chidera
    November 11, 2021

    […] changed them, like experiencing bullying and abuse, my strong and independent flag resulted from the pain no one talks about. A friend recently said, you know you’re a tiger; no lion would come close. In the past, that […]

    Reply
  • Rock Bottom Survivor - Precious Chidera
    April 28, 2022

    […] end of the brightest tunnel and realize the light you saw was deeper darkness; It’s something, the type of pain I cannot describe to you. I know I once wrote about the pain no one talks about, but rock bottom is […]

    Reply

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